something that i realized today was that, while i have changed over the last two years, i feel like there were parts of me that i used to hold so dear to me that i left behind somewhere in the chaos.
i actually had a conversation with a friend not too long ago about it. i had always been a bit of a dreamer and a thinker, which was why i used to have a blogspot instead of a tumblr. i wrote a lot, not just about my day but things that i had an opinion on and things that were bothering me. i was an angry teenager and i guess it was almost therapeutic for me. i don't really do that anymore. my time is spent either working, shopping, studying or playing games. don't get me wrong, i love doing these things too, but i'd rather had the brain i used to. i feel like i've become dumber.
another part of myself that i felt like i left behind was my music. sure i had always loved musical theatre but something that i went into college really determined to do was explore rock and pop-punk music. i miss these bands and i'm spending my night listening to them. back in the twelfth grade, i swore that i couldn't survive without their music. i listened to them day and night, had a sleeping playlist of them bands even. sure, some can argue that i was a bit of a wannabe scene kid back then but it has nothing to do with this music. i was never trying to be emo or 'goth', i just found a niche that i felt comfortable in.
i felt comfortable in dark clothes because i made me feel smaller, i liked teased hair in my face because then you couldn't see my face. and amongst this whole sub-culture, i found music that actually spoke to me. while i spent years telling other people's stories and acting like another person through theatre, pop-punk music (or rock, alternative, power-pop, what ever genre you decide it is) was the first time i knew that song writing and music could be really therapeutic.
especially for the short, fat asian girl who had been bullied for years and thought there was nothing left for her out there.
'the academy is...' was introduced to me by my friend sarina (i think) and i remember absolutely salivating over william beckett. i still kind of do, but he has a kid so i couldn't be a home wrecker anyway. i'm kidding. i swear.
yes, i'm very aware that this is no longer the line up for 'paramore', but i miss having all of them there so much. i actually think josh looks particularly gorgeous here but i'm biased because i think he's amazing.
just saying, 'boys like girls' was the first proper gig that i had ever went to. heroes for hire and hot chelle rae were supporting. me, anne and jenny went together and ended up right in the centre of the mosh pit and met some friends while we died of exhaustion. i ended up having to leave because i was getting faint. i met the lead singer for heroes though!
i can proudly say that, back then, i got into 'the pretty reckless' way before there were famous. it was before this current line up too and before kick ass. i found them on myspace where i then recognized taylor momsen. i expected some poppy stuff but i was like darn, i like them. she's hot too.
well, with christofer drew (or 'nevershoutnever'), i had actually discovered him in my first year of college. the first song i heard of him was 'Can'tStandIt' and, i swear, he is adorable. i also love that while he's sitting there singing about piggybanks and smoking weed, he really has the most unique song writing style ever.
i went to their gig to see nevershoutnever but, beforehand, took a lot of time out to listen to smile kid (this is 'we the kings' by the way) and ended up even more excited for them than chris! i rememeber sarina texting me a day or two earlier telling me that travis had tweeted and he was in hospital. his intestine ruptured or something but he still played the gig beautifully. he was even going to pass out by the end. i swear i wanted to hold him.
me, sarina and linda waiting outside the metro for the gig and ended up dead centre, second row from the front. we also saw 'the maine' beforehand but didn't get to see chris. sarina spent the whole night singing we the kings on the train ride home.
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